


Group chats and Penis Jokes

by bigmanaaron, Phoenix1018



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Aromantic Asexual Christine Canigula, Bisexual Jeremy Heere, Crack, Gay Michael Mell, Group chat, Pansexual Jake Dillinger, Trans Brooke Lohst, Trans Rich Goranski, Twink Jeremy Heere, jeremy uses emojis and its disgusting, nobody is straight, they just constantly bully jeremy, this is a mess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:34:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24509998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigmanaaron/pseuds/bigmanaaron, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phoenix1018/pseuds/Phoenix1018
Summary: The Squip Squad has a group chat. That's it.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	1. i have a massive cock, jake.

**Author's Note:**

> We got this idea at like 2 am. It's literally just crack

**\- Rich has renamed the group chat to “Squip Squad”.**

**\- Rich has added Tall-Ass**

**\- Rich has added Jakey-D**

**\- Rich has added Headphones**

**\- Rich has added GossipGirl**

**\- Rich has added Pinkberry**

_Tall-ass_ : Please change my nickname 😢😢

_Rich_ : nope. unless you want to be twink-ass??

**\- Rich has added I'm Babey**

**\- Rich has added Crispy**

_Headphones_ : that’s a pretty good one, jere.

_Tall-ass_ : I'm not a twink??

_GossipGirl_ : No, you definitely are Jeremy.

_Tall-ass_ : JENNA.

_Headphones_ : rich why do you get a normal name?

_Rich_ : because i’m fun and sexy like that. no homo.

_Rich_ : do you want me to change it?

_Tall-ass_ : YES. 😠😠

_Headphones_ : yes

_Crispy_ : Yes!!! I don't want Rich to be left out!!

**\- Rich has been renamed to “Massive Cock”**

_Massive Cock_ : is this better?

_Jakey-D_ : rich…

_Massive Cock_ : my cock is massive, jake.

_Crispy_ : I don't know about that one, Rich. It's not very family friendly…

_GossipGirl:_ Look, you upset christine. You better change it Rich

_Massive Cock_ : but it's the truth! Jeremy can confirm, right ;)

_Tall-ass_ : WHAT??

_Tall-ass:_ Are you talking about the time you ranted to me about your penis in the bathroom?? 😳😳

_Headphones_ : im sorry he did w h a t

_Massive Cock:_ THAT’S IT.

**Massive Cock has renamed Tall-ass to “Twink-ass”**

_Twink-ass:_ I’M NOT A TWINK! I AM A TWUNK! THERE IS A DIFFERENCE! 😠😠

_Headphones:_ a fucking what skfndndj

_Twink-ass:_ YOU KNOW FULL WELL WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT MICHAEL.

_Massive Cock:_ hey twink-ass why do you keep using emojis. are you a hettie or smth??

_Twink-ass:_ Because it's cool! Chloe does it all the time!

_I’m Babey:_ Hell yeah I’m cool. 😈😈😍😝👀✌💅💄

_Massive Cock:_ i’ve just decided that neither of you are cool anymore.

_Pinkberry:_ I think the emojis are fine!!

_Twink-ass_ : Thank you, Brooke 😊😊

_Jakey-D_ : please don't encourage him

_Headphones_ : guys if i've had to deal with jeremy texting like a 40 year old man for 12 years so can you

_Massive Cock:_ i could just… remove him from the chat

_Crispy:_ NO!!!! Rich that's mean!!

_Twink-ass:_ DON’T.

_Massive Cock:_ fine, but you’re all cowards

_Massive Cock:_ and jeremy is now straight, sorry i don't make the rules

_Headphones:_ okay now THAT is just insulting.

_Twink-ass:_ Why does using emojis make me straight?? 😭😭 I like boys!! Boys are so cool!! So are girls!! 

_GossipGirl:_ You sound like an undercover cop.

_Twink-ass:_ I’M NOT!!!!!!!! 

**\- Massive Cock has renamed Twink-ass to “undercover cop”**

_undercover cop:_ NOOO!! I'm not a cop!!! Cops are so mean!! I'm not mean!!

_Pinkberry:_ You're starting to sound like crispy

_Crispy:_ He’s right!!!!!! Change it back :’((((

_Massive Cock:_ noooo shit crispy dont be sad

_GossipGirl:_ You're not allowed to make Christine sad, nobody will ever forgive you

_Massive Cock:_ FUCK.

**\- Massive Cock has renamed undercover cop to “Twink-ass”**

_Massive Cock:_ are you happy now??

_Twink-ass:_ RICH I'M NOT A TWINK!!!

_Headphones_ : jere, it’s just the universal truth. birds chirp, cats meow, squips suck, and jeremy is a twink.

_Twink-ass:_ MIKE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE 😭😭

_Headphones:_ not on any side, just stating facts

_Massive Cock:_ thank you, mell.

_Twink-ass:_ 😠😠😡😡

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Us writing this: so how mant different ways can we bully jeremy


	2. Massive Beef Sword

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Late night talks with Rich

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I looked up "slang for penis" before writing this chapter and I regret nothing

**_3:42 am_ **

_ Massive Cock: _ hey guys

_ Massive Cock: _ what if our penises were concave

_ Jakey-D: _ hey rich, what the fuck?

_ Massive Cock _ : would it be like belly buttons, where some people have an innie and some have an outie?

_ Jakey-D: _ is this the sort of thing you normally think about at 3 am

_ Headphones _ : RICH IM WHEEZING GKSJFNDKD

_ Headphones _ : "so, like, is your penis concave or convex?"

_ Massive Cock: _ we all know that mine is convex, because my meat is simply too big to be concave

_ Jakey-D _ : rich, you're trans, you don't even have a dick

_ Massive Cock: _ thats where ur wrong jake, i have the biggest schmeat out of all of you

_ Headphones _ : please never say the word "schmeat" ever again

_ Massive Cock: _ the largest peen. The most enormous wang. The most immense of beef swords

Headphones: rich im literally begging you to stop

_ Jakey-D:  _ rich if you ever say 'beef sword' again ill disown you from the friend group

**Massive Cock has been renamed to "Massive Beef Sword"**

_ Massive Beef Sword:  _ ;)

_ Headphones:  _ rich i will fucking kill you

_Massive Beef Sword:_ nah, youd miss me too much

_ Headphones:  _ wanna test that theory?

_ Massive Beef Sword:  _ michael,,,, i thought what we had was special,,,

_ Headphones _ : its not >:(

**_Massive Beef Sword is offline_ **

_ Jakey-D:  _ holy shit you fucking killed him Michael

_ Headphones:  _ :))

**_Headphones is offline_ **

**_***_ **

**_7:42 am_ **

**_Twink-ass is online_ **

_ Twink-ass:  _ What's a beef sword and why is it Rich's new nickname? 🤔🤔

_ Jakey-D:  _ scroll up, youll see

_ Twink-ass:  _ okay!

_ Twink-ass:  _ …

_ Twink-ass: ……. _

_ Twink-ass: ………. _

_I'm_ _Babey_ : lmao you good jeremy?

_ Twink-ass:  _ …………….

_ Jakey-D _ : I think rich broke him, poor guy

_ Headphones _ : goddammit rich what did i tell you

_ I'm Babey: _ you traumatized poor jeremy

_ Massive Beef Sword:  _ smh jeremy is just too cowardly to handle the truth 

_ Twink-ass:  _ Why do you have to tell everyone about your penis, Rich...

_ Headphones:  _ jer

_ Headphones:  _ im begging you to use your brain for one second

_ Twink-ass:  _ what do you mean?? He doesn't have to tell us that his dick is big 😣😣

_ Massive Beef Sword:  _ what, do you want me to say my penis is CONCAVE? HUH? 

_ Massive Beef Sword:  _ QUIT OBJECTIFYING ME, TWINK-ASS.

_Twink-ass:_ NOOOO IM NOT I SWEAR IM NOT!!! 😭😭

_ Massive Beef Sword:  _ sure…. sure you aren’t. you only want me for my body, dont you? all men are the same.

_ Crispy:  _ Rich you’re scaring Jere!!!! Tell him you’re joking!! :’((

_ Massive Beef Sword:  _ wym im totally serious about him objectifying my magnum dong

_ Crispy:  _ Rich!!!! DD: Stop!!!

_ Crispy:  _ Jeremy doesn't get sarcasm, you're being mean!!

_ Twink-ass:  _ wait rich was being sarcastic?? So he isnt actually talking about his dick?? 😱😱

_ Michael:  _ jeremy… rich is trans… think for a second

_ Twink-ass: …. _

_ Twink-ass:  _ Oh. Yeah. 


	3. Periods and penises

_ GossipGirl:  _ jeremy, can you buy me pads and give them to me at school tmr? ill pay you back

_ Twink-ass:  _ Oh, sure! I'll go to the store right now

_ Twink-ass:  _ Uh what kind? 

_ GossipGirl:  _ ill tell you when you get there dw

_ Twink-ass:  _ Okay!! 😊😊

**_Twink-ass_** **_is offline_**

_ Headphones:  _ lmao why did you text him that in the gc

_ GossipGirl:  _ because I figure hes gonna say something stupid and you guys would want to see that

_ Headphones:  _ alfjdjkf youre right

**_Twink-ass is online_ **

_ Twink-ass: (1 attachment _ ) Please help me I'm so confused 😭😭

_ GossipGirl:  _ what do you not understand

_ Twink-ass:  _ there's so many different kinds?? 

_ Twink:  _ can I just buy you bandaids instead? 🤔🤔

_ GossipGirl: _ No??? They're not the same at all???

_ Twink-ass:  _ What's a panty liner? Is it to outline your skin? So you know where to put the pad?

_ GossipGirl:  _ jeremy im

_ GossipGirl:  _ do you genuinely think that pads stick to a girl's skin

_ Twink-ass:  _ Do they not????

_ GossipGirl:  _ ?????

_ Headphones:  _ GKSJDJSJSJ IM CRYING 

_ Headphones:  _ JEREMY

_ Headphones:  _ im GAY and i knew that

_ Twink-ass:  _ Where do they go then???

_ Headphones:  _ ON THEIR UNDERWEAR

_ GossipGirl:  _ yeAH 

_ Twink-ass: _ Nobody ever told me!!

_ Twink-ass:  _ I still don't know what kind you want 😭😭

_ GossipGirl:  _ omg jeremy im sorry just dm me and ill tell you

_ Twink-ass:  _ Okay 😞😞

I'm Babey: lmaoooo poor jeremy 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy really do be the dumbest bitch alive


	4. damn that gender dyslexia

Massive Beef Sword: GUYS IM FUCKING

Massive Beef Sword: I CANT BREATHE

Massive Beef Sword: IM WHEEZING

Pinkberry: what happened?

Massive Beef Sword: so i was talkin to jeremy right

Massive Beef Sword: and i was like "yeah i kinda feel like shit rn, cause its that time of the month"

Massive Beef Sword: and jeremy, dead fucking serious, said

Massive Beef Sword: "im really sorry rich. gender dyslexia must suck"

Gossip Girl: FJGKDNDJKDKD

GossipGirl: G E N D E R D Y S L E X I A

Pinkberry: Well, his heart is in the right place? 

Massive Beef Sword: no yeah he was definitely trying to be sweet and sympathise with me, but it was SO FUNNY

Massive Beef Sword: brooke and i have that gender dyslexia solidarity

Pinkberry: Yay! Trans buddies!!

Massive Beef Sword: brooke im trying to make fun of jeremy stop being wholesome

Twink-ass: Wait did I say it wrong??? 😭😭

GossipGirl: Yep.

Twink-ass: What is it called? Discalculia? 

Twink-ass: Dextaria?

Massive Beef Sword: nobody tell him

Twink-ass: Please tell me 😭😭 

Massive Beef Sword: bro you’re hopeless

Pinkberry: Jerry, you can do it! I believe in you <3

Twink-ass: … Dysmorphia?

GossipGirl: Closer but no

Twink-ass: I DON’T KNOW!!!! 😫😫

Crispy: Guys quit it!! He had it right!!! :’)

Massive Beef Sword: u dont have to try and make him feel better crispy

Massive Beef Sword: hes a dumbass and he knows it

Twink-ass: You're so mean to me Rich 😠😠

Headphones: sorry jere but you’ve never used a braincell in your entire life

Massive Beef Sword: my gargantuan dong just renders your brain inactive bro

Twink-ass: NOT THIS AGAIN. WE DIDNT FUCK IN THE BATHROOM STOP TELLING PEOPLE WE DID

Massive Beef Sword: IT’S THE TRUTH. IT’S HOW I KNEW YOU WERE A TWINK AFTER ALL

Twink-ass: I'M. NOT. A. TWINK.

I’m babey: Jeremy, we’ve been over this already 😜

Twink-ass: I’M NOT!!!!! PLEASE!! CHLOE!!

I'm babey: 😉

Twink-ass: 😢😢

Massive Beef Sword: oh my god you both need to fucking stop with the emojis you look like hetties

I'm Babey: never say that again


End file.
